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Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Spring Has Sprung!

Hello blog world, 
Here I am again.

What a journey I have been on and am still on. These last 9 months have been very long ones, full of life lessons and challenges as we have awaited the birth of baby PTF.

(The morning of the big day!)

 But at  last our littlest PTF member is here! He is perfect. He arrived 2 weeks early on the 21st of August. What a blessing he is. Truly a gift from God. Little Miss O is besotted with him and can't get enough cuddles and kisses with her little baby brother. It makes my heart full.

I am still restricted to bedrest unfortunately and I am itching to get better and get outside into our beautiful paddocks and garden beds. However...I must work on my recovery first, so here I am blogging again. Fortunately the constant nausea and vomiting have gone...woohoo!! So I can read and blog again and sew and do all those things that were so hard to do when I was feeling sick.

It has been such a long haul these last 9 months and I have been learning alot about myself and others and the blessing of family and friends.

We could not have managed....not one bit, without the amazing love, care, prayers and support of our family and friends. My mum and my mother-in-law and my sister, have been coming here each week (taking shifts) to care for both me and little miss O and now our littlest PTF member. They have worked tirelessly, cooking, cleaning, washing, and caring for my two year old girl most days of the week, so that Mr PTF can go to work. As I am still not able to lift or walk much, they have been a godsend.

As wonderful as their help has been, it has also been challenging for me at times. I have had to learn to 'let go' of alot of things. To allow people into my house each day to help me with things I would normally like to do myself. Sometimes even the little things like...choosing an outfit for my little girl, changing her nappy, being able to cook a meal the way I like to cook a meal, tidying up the house....these are the things I am constantly needing to let go of and allow others to do it their way...and it will actually be ok...!

Sometimes, when I let go, and allow others to 'be', I feel a sense of freedom. I let go of having to have control and then I can receive the blessing. It has been very humbling having people to help me do the things I would like to be able to and would normally do myself. My family have certainly seen me at my lowest points and yet they still love me and continue to care for us.

It has been really good for me to learn that my house does not need to be tidy all the time...not even most of the time! Good for me to learn that the dishes don't need to be done because someone is coming around. Its ok to have piles of washing and toys on the floor. Its ok to be in your p.js nearly all of the 9 months I was sick...and even now... Its ok to ask people to help you. Its ok to have left overs again and again....and to serve them up to guests (gasp)! Its ok to be real and to admit that things are not ok.

I am learning and have been learning lots during this time.

This post is sounding very serious I know, but I have been through alot these last months and I suppose I am reflecting on some of the things that have really stood out to me.

There was a time when I had to 'have it all together'

 I used to FREAK out when I knew we had people coming for dinner. Mr PTF will testify to that. Dishes had to be put away, dishcloths had to be hidden, the 'good tea-towel'  had to be displayed, tables had to be set and the house vacuumed to within an inch of its life. I used to get so stressed and acted like a crazy person. Poor Mr PTF gave up on helping me in my state and learnt to steer clear of crazy PTF lady.

There was a time when I would smile and say "yeah I'm doing well thanks," when really all was not well at all.
There was a time when I didn't want my Little Miss O looked after by other people and wanted to take care of her myself.

There was a time when I wanted to be able to do EVERYTHING.

I am learning....

It takes me awhile to get the hang of learning....

I am hoping that I will be able to be a little less controlling, a little more understanding, a little more relaxed and a lot more real.

So I am going to shake off the cobwebs of my old sillyness and start afresh this spring. I am going to choose to 'let go', to be real and to enjoy the help of others.

Spring has sprung in this house and new buds are blooming. New ways of doing things, doing life. I think I am going to like it. (although I am sure I will still find it challenging to let go...that is who I am)

Enough reflecting for me...I think I am done with my serious post...

From my bed I have the most gorgeous view over the paddocks and surrounding hills and trees. I can watch the changing weather as it rolls past. Lately it has been rather stormy and dark. I have so enjoyed being snug in my bed and watching the rain beating against the windows. From my bed I can also watch the blossoming pear trees up the drive. They have just started to burst forth with blossoms...absolutely beautiful. I have informed Mr PTF that he will have to go outside to take some more blog worthy pics for me to upload for you all soon!

Hope you survived reading this long post. Not alot of nice pics I know...maybe next time. I may even tell you about some of the things I have been making whilst lying here in bed....

See you soon 
xo Rachel

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